Thoughts at 23: 5 Things I've Learned in the Past 5 Years
Last Tuesday marked my 23rd birthday. I've been told by most that the birthdays after 21 don't really feel special anymore. They say I'll actually start dreading it, especially seeing that number rise each year - for it'll mean losing my youth and internalizing the fact that I'm really getting older. I'll start finding myself less and less excited as my birthdays go by, and I guess, maybe there might be some truth in it. I can barely remember what I did for my birthday last year. This year, I was a bit surprised when some of my friends asked me what my plans were for my birthday and I could hardly believe that my 23rd birthday was actually coming up. Gone were the days when I anticipated my birthday and made birthday plans weeks in advance.
When I opened the draft for this post, I really wasn't sure what to talk about in it. All I knew was that, first, this post was going to go live a few days after my 23rd birthday, and second, I wanted it to be somewhat of a reflection especially from the past 5 years because a lot has changed for me in that time frame. Eighteen-year-old me is very different from my current self and would probably not recognize the person that I am now. Simply put, I thought I have a lot of things figured out then, and I did, but I did I ignored that fact that I still have a lot of learning and experiencing to do in this world. I grew up a lot in the past 5 years, as I went through quite a bit of challenges that I had to overcome, and am still currently in the process of overcoming.
I used to like the idea of writing to my future self at a certain age, talk about my aspirations, goals and dreams then and open that said letter a few years letter and see the difference between Kristine of the past versus the future. I was meaning to do just that when I graduated high school. I was 18 then, and I was thinking of opening it once I graduated college, which would be in 4 years, meaning I would be 22 when I would open it, or so the old me thought. Well, I did not end up doing that, and I can tell you right now, my 18-year-old self would be quite a bit disappointed to find that this year, I am 23 and still have yet to get my degree.
Now, I'm not going to talk about my shortcomings or not achieving my "supposed" dreams at a certain age, because that's not really going to serve me. What I want this post to be is more of the reflections of the things I've learned in the past 5 years. At 18, I remembered that I felt so lost after I graduated high school. My parents wanted me to pursue a degree that I did not have any interest in, and I was going to have to settle for a career that I wasn't really passionate about. I tried to settle with the path that my parents laid out for me, but only ended up attempting that for a year. That year went by at a snail's pace and was more than enough time for me to realize that I could not go on living that kind of life. To put it bluntly, I was miserable and uninspired, and everyone knew it, even my own parents. Looking back, it really is not that shocking that I ended up where I am now. After leaving my school and major then, I felt free because I was going to explore and pursue a career path that was quite unexpected and full of uncertainties. Yet, what I had was a lot of passion for it, and the determination and willingness to fully explore my chosen path. In the years that went by after going on a very different path, devoid of any concrete expectations, I've learned a lot of things about growing up, maturity and reaching a certain level of success. I do not claim to know everything about these things, but I've learned a few things that stuck with me and I'll always look back on them as significant lessons as I embark on my 20s, and so here are some of the most important ones:
1. Everyone will reach their milestones, achievements and/or success at their own pace and timeline.
I could choose to be upset over the fact that compared to a lot of my peers, I have not reached the common milestones that they have or I could realize that I've learned quite a bit of valuable lessons and real-world experiences that they may not necessarily have because they were busy getting to that next milestone (hint: getting their degree). I realized that not achieving a common milestone at a certain age does not matter, because everyone is going through their lives at a different pace. How boring and predictable would life be if we managed to all achieve the things we want at the same time? Each one of us will reach and experience certain milestones at a different order than the other person. Each one of us will learn what really matters most to us and value most at different points of our life. Each one of us will have to learn and go through experiences at our own pace, and we can only move on to the next chapter once we are done learning from our previous chapter. Some of us will be stuck in limbo, over and over because we are not fully learning the lessons we need to at a certain stage in our life, and have to keep going around and around that path until we do something different to lead us to another path, hopefully, forward. What's important is that no matter what pace you're going through your life, make sure that you are learning and trying your best in every step of the way. It is also important that it's your choice wherever you are right now, no one else's, and you are taking responsibility of what your circumstances are.
2. Now is the best time to mess up and fail.
Here's the thing, we may feel like it's the end of the world if we mess up or "fail" around this time, especially if you are surrounded by so many expectations and pressures externally, but in the grand scheme of things, the best time for us to mess up and fail is now, rather than later on in our lives when we most likely have other obligations to fulfill and where the consequences are more serious. We still have time to learn the lessons from these failures and apply it unto our future endeavors which may help move us forward significantly.
By no means is this an encouragement to do immoral and dangerous things, but now is the time to experiment and try out those things that you've always wanted to, but always hesitated to do because of the possibility of a negative outcome, whether it measure up to your expectations or not. The "negative consequences" of your actions now will most likely not impact your future as significantly as you think it will. If anything, the possibility of a positive outcome may be the best thing that will ever happen to you. But how will you know if it is? You have to figure out and see the results for yourself. Failing and messing up may occur, but you still have time to regroup and bounce back. There was this quote that went like this:
"People regret most the things they have not done, more than the things they have."
The reason for this is that while most people may regret the things they've done, they know its outcome and have the capacity to learn and grow from it, and so there was still something gained from it. When you do not do what you want, you end up always wondering the possible outcomes.
3. It's important to have a support system that you can count on.
The past few years made me realize who my real friends and family were and the important role they play in my life. They are the once that will always stay and will keep supporting and pushing you no matter what. They will be there on your highest of highs and your lowest of lows, without judgement. They will tell you the hard truths and keep you wanting to be a better person. There were many days were I felt very hopeless and I was going through the motions aimlessly, but these group of friends and family helped me put my things in perspective. They reminded me of why I'm doing what I'm doing and what really mattered. Being in your 20s is difficult; you are young enough to get away from making mistakes, but you're also trying to establish yourself as a capable and responsible adult, setting up the foundations of your future. What makes this whole experience better, easier and more bearable is having a group of people you can lean on throughout this stage of your life. Figuring out who belongs in this support system might take time, but it's important to make connections and maintain relationships with people who are like minded as you and are willing to be there for you.
4. It's ok to be uncertain - there will be lots of uncertainty!
If you feel uncertain about everything in your life right now, that's alright! Now is the time to try out different things and maybe figure out in the process what really matters to you and what you value most in your life. Uncertainty, if you let it, can lay you bare to your life's truths devoid of all the expectations that society has placed on you. It will open up all of the boundaries that were caging you in, and really open up possibilities you never even considered for yourself before.
On another note, going back to what I said earlier, I used to think I have most of my life figured out, but life this funny way of showing me that what I know, while true, does not always work out. It's almost like, the more details you plan about your life, the more likely it shows you another path. The older I get, I feel even more uncertain of what my future holds. It's not because I do not know what I want to achieve or what my goals are, but rather I am more aware that while I may have a certain plan and goal now, I do not get to choose what situations and curveballs life will throw at me and how I'll possibly respond to it. All I have now are rough ideas of where I want to be in the future, but I know that even if I achieved it, it will not come to me as I expected it when I originally set out to achieve it, and that's alright! I'm embracing the uncertainty!
5. Stop thinking and just jump.
"The thinking is much harder than the doing."
I encountered this quote recently, and it couldn't be more true. Sometimes, we let ourselves get enveloped in our own thoughts and doubts that instead of getting busy doing what we want to do, we get wrapped up in our inner thoughts and end up just thinking about how difficult it can be. Instead of just doing it and may be taking all the difficulty that comes as we encounter it, we scare ourselves from doing what we want to do in the first place. Most times, what's best is to just get yourself started, and not think about it, consequences and difficulties be damned. What you'll find when you start doing what you intended to do, is that it's actually quite manageable to deal and go through with it no matter what difficulty or challenges you run into once you're in the process of doing it.
In the same vein, we can't always wait until we're ready. Our minds can always come up with reasons of how unprepared we are. Like I said in the previous point, no matter how much we think we know, life is still full of uncertainties. We will never fully be ready to do anything. While preparing will certainly help us and may make our paths easier to navigate around, it will not take us anywhere. For progress to happen, we need to just jump. Take what preparation you've had, or lack thereof, and use it to guide you. If anything, you'll learn to adapt, survive and learn to deal with the choices you made.
As I was finishing up writing this post, I was fully aware that a lot of the things I talked about are probably something that we all know or have heard of. They are those universal truths that people keep talking about or bringing up, but they never really make a mark on us until we've had the first-hand experience that will make us internalize these truths. While I may not know if it helped anyone, what makes this post more impactful to me is that I was able to really reflect on what I learned in the past five years and look back at it with my own experiences. Lastly, I am able to take these lessons with me as I continue to navigate through my 20s. Oh, there's still so much I have to learn and experience!
I highly recommend doing a similar exercise to anyone. Maybe not necessarily writing an entire post of what you've learned and justifying them, like I did, but rather just list the things you've learned so far in your life and reflect on what experiences made you realize them. It may be a good method to really keep in mind the things we've learned so far.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this post! I know it's quite a personal one, but I really have not done a lot of personal posts, which is something I want to do more in the future. I hope this post helps you get to know me better!
